Perspective

What do you know? I didn’t sleep well last night and woke up feeling like death warmed over. I was so tired, even my voice wanted to go back to bed and try again. But when you have kids, especially one who has a job that needs to be done before 6:30 am, and then he needs to be off for summer extracurricular school-related activities by 7 am, it’s kind of hard to go back to bed.

But I tried, because I’m too darn persistent for my own good.

And I got woken up the second I laid my head back down. And then again as I closed my eyes again. Sigh…it wasn’t happening. I thought it might be a rough day, and I might be a little impatient again, and I was honestly worried because I’d just posted on my blog about new days and all. (See, social responsibility is something I fall for.) I figured I’d get something done before I had to run out the door, but I couldn’t find what I needed, even though the house had been cleaned thoroughly 3 times in the last four days. I locked myself in the garage so I didn’t yell. But then as the day wore on, the most interesting thing happened…I got a little perspective.

I got a text from my niece, who I recently did some picture of for her birthday (she just turned 13 and asked me to do some official teen pics), and she said she was soooo excited about them. Well, that kind of made my heart feel light.

Then I picked up my oldest and we went to get a Father’s Day gift, and the kids were just so excited and happy about it (we got him one of these, and the kids couldn’t be more thrilled for the opportunity to be told ‘no’).  My heart felt grateful that my kids get pleasure out of the little things.

We went to the splash pad to meet up with my sister, and found out that it didn’t open for an hour still. But it gave us time to sit and eat before the chaos began, and my heart felt warmed that I get to spend these moments of bliss with people who mean so much to me.

And when I’d gotten back into the car, with kids shivering and covered in goosebumps, I saw that I’d missed a call from one of my soul-mate friends, Laura.

(Here’s a picture I took of Laura and her youngest baby nearly 4 years ago, I absolutely love it.)

Laura

 

I was so excited that Laura had called. It had been months since we’ve talked. But for good reason. Last time Laura and I spoke, she’d just found out she had a brain tumor. I was frantic, but she didn’t know anything more about it. All she knew is that it existed, and that she was scheduling appointments with neurosurgeons and neuro-oncologists, and would find out more soon. Her appointments came and went and when I reached out, she told me she wasn’t ready yet to talk, as she was dealing with so much. My heart broke, because I wanted to understand what was happening, but more, I wanted to be there for my dear, dear friend in whatever way I could. I told her, “You just contact me when you are good and ready.” But secretly I thought about Laura almost every single day, wondering how she was, what her diagnosis and prognosis was, etc. It made me sick to sit by and not be there for her. But we each deal with things differently, and I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling or going through.

Fast forward to today. She is still struggling with that stupid tumor, plus additional health concerns. She is meeting with another neurosurgeon soon, and is hoping for some guidance and answers. Sadly, she may find none. We talked for hours, and I listened to her cry as she expressed her concern for what her husband is going through, and not being the mother she wants to be for her children (and recognizing that she is at least there for them, and that’s all she can offer them right now), as she expressed her gratitude for her family’s and her church community’s support. And how much she wished that she could just get better. She doesn’t want to be sick.  My heart broke, but I was so thankful that she called me, despite the fact that she’s been struggling with a debilitating migraine since October. It’s for purely selfish reasons to be happy, I know. But it also, as it always does when I talk to Laura, reminded me to be grateful for what I have in my life, seek out the positive relationships and not focus on things, and to recognize that it’s okay to be exactly where I am right now, and not expect perfection from myself.

Perspective is important. It helps us to step outside of ourselves. It helps us to find patience to see things through. It helps us to find patterns in the mundane, and in the heartbreak. It gives us freedom to move forward, and for that I am grateful.

 

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