Struggle

Do you struggle with anything? Surely I can’t be the only imperfect person out there. I was lamenting to my hubby on Saturday morning that I felt like this was going to be the scariest/hardest year I’ve had in a long time. I’ve been living comfortably for the past several years. I like that feeling. (Don’t we all?) But this year I’m doing a lot of things that, in all honesty, are completely uncomfortable for me. And I’m nervous!

Where do I begin?

Skis

Skiing…I’ve avoided skiing my entire life (on both liquid and frozen forms of H2O). I didn’t exactly grow up in a home with money to blow on things like skiing (holy expensive habit), and my parents weren’t too adventurous with physical outlets (bad health). But I did grow up in a place where a lot of people ski. And why not? We are so close to mountains and resorts and snow here in Utah, that it’s one of the things people who live here just do. So I had lots of opportunities/invites to go, but I had no desire. My mind would always respond: I don’t like feeling out of control, and I don’t have great knees, and I have some anxieties…so it was always easier to say no. But last summer I had a major epiphany: doing things I’m scared of most likely won’t kill me (ha!). So, I decided I’d better get myself a little uncomfortable, and we bought season passes for the family. Why spend so much money & get season passes? Because I knew it would force me to do it! And it has. And so far I haven’t died. Am I loving it? Well…that’s yet to be decided. There are moments that I’m having a great time (on the bunny hill), and then moments where I’m brave and get my hiney up on the chair lift for the first, second, and third times…and I think I’m going to die, but then I end up at the bottom somehow still alive, and I feel astonished. And there are moments like today where I can barely move because I TOTALLY yard-saled it and my neck is now a massive wreck and I just want to cry. But I know I have to get up and try again. So I will. I have hope that I’ll figure out how to negotiate that HUGE little hill, and move onto bigger (scarier) ones.

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School with four kids (one still at home) + a busy working hubby. Enough said. It’s plain rough! I end up worried that I won’t do as well as I know I’m capable of doing.

Running

I’m training for a triathlon. I don’t run all that well (asthma), and I don’t swim. The thought of this scares the H-E-double hockey sticks out of me. I ¬†worry I might drown. I might run out of steam and not even finish. I might find myself on my lady cycle and not even get to compete because that puts me in bed for two days straight (lucky me).

STOP!!!!

Do you notice a pattern? I sure do:

  1. I’m good at making excuses when I’m uncomfortable, and
  2. I’m really afraid of failure!

WHOA!

What excuses do you come up with during your struggles? What is holding you back? Are you exposing yourself to anything new/hard/scary/uncomfortable?

I know that with these things comes growth, accomplishment, and so much more. But it doesn’t mean it’s all easy. So when I’m having a hard time with these things I have to revel in the little things. Small victories. Small moments. Like the fact that I have made it to the top of the chair lift three times now. It may seem silly to some, but it’s a huge accomplishment for me. As my hubby said, “this is heart of darkness stuff for you.” Silly, but true. And I’m going to do it again. And again.

And sometimes when I study, I get peaceful moments like this:

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And those peaceful moments are all mine.

And I try to be more intentional in noticing the little magical moments of my kids’ lives, like this little one who was playing dress up yesterday after church, and I realized that she’s possibly growing out of this stage within this coming year (which pains and excites me):

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So yeah…things are a little uncomfortable for me, but I have so much more, and I get to be and do so much more. For that I find myself truly blessed. What are you struggling with right now, and how can you find the positive?

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